The state of Rob

March will mark my eighth month in Chicago. In these past eight months I have gone through more change than any other time in my life.

I have been working really hard at becoming a better improviser and actor. I have this blind focus right now. I have packed my previous relationships and memories away and have been concentrating hard on what I came out here to do. When I first visited this city in January of 2009 I saw some of the best performers in the city. I now interact with those people on a weekly basis. Its unreal. A few weeks ago I booked a flight to go back to JMU for the last weekend in March. This will be my first visit back in ten months. Its forced me to think about where I am and how far I have come. Its overwhelming.

I have been severely displaced in a short amount of time. Literally everything in my life is new. Within a month of graduation I found an apartment online, put my computer and clothes in a bag and moved to the middle of the country. I did not come with friends. I got a job within a month and began building a new social and professional world for myself, one that was completely separate from everything I had built on. I started from scratch. Now I just finished my first improv performance, I have an internship at a theater, I auditioned and was accepted into a sketch comedy group and completely support myself financially.

This trip back to JMU could not have come at a better time. Its exciting to meet new people, but everything feels a bit like Lost In Translation. A complete life-shift takes a lot of energy from you and its really nice to find someone who gets you. In Chicago I have been called weird, inappropriate, off-color. Its an interesting interpretation and I can only take it with a grain of salt, because I know back in Virginia there are people who get me. I need to keep being those things because they are my guts. They are my ugly that gives me reassurance that I am doing the right thing with my life. I will never be a vanilla person.

So as I listen to my lesbian neighbors scream at each other (no joke, I just heard the one say "you aint no Beyonce, bitch") or when my cable provider just hiked my monthly bill (because it suddenly costs more to do the exact same thing you have been doing for years) I know I am here for a reason, and that good JMU reminder is just around the corner.

The best Judge Judy ending ever

Daytime television takes place in another dimension. This ending to an episode of Judge Judy is priceless.

Follicle Inferno

Whats worse than a baby doll?

A ginger baby doll.

Whats worse than a ginger baby doll?

A ginger baby doll you can shave.

Rob is gross

Valentines Day has passed. Hey single people, we made it! Surprisingly it didn't really affect me. I have completely come to terms with being a single guy for every Valentines Day of my life. It used to be a problem, but I have recently realized that the world is probably a better place with a solo Rob Anderson. Its not for my sake, but for the poor person who would have to date me. I would never wish that on anyone. Because I am one gross motherfucker.

I was born with the gross gene. Sometimes I gross myself out. You know when you get the meat sweats? After you eat a lot of meat your entire body perspires? Well I am the human equivalent of meat sweats. Uncomfortable, embarrassing, disgusting. Thats what it would feel like dating me.

To drive my point I have listed 10 reasons why I should stay single.

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1. I live for Domino's Mac and Cheese Pasta Bread Bowls. I have eaten two in one sitting.

2. When I'm drunk I like to pee in the sink.

3. If I don't take a shower immediately when I get home from the gym, I probably won't until the next day. My sweat will dry and I will have forgotten that I worked out.

4. I like to top my turkey sandwiches with mounds of mayo mixed with bacon bits.

5. I cringe when I use Q Tips because there is so much wax you can't see any of the swab afterward.

6. I am extremely hairy and shed with the frequency of a golden retriever. There is hair inside my zip-up pillow case.

7. Odors that come from my body are inconsistent. 50% of my farts smell like nothing. The other 50% are absolutely terrible. Its a gamble.

8. I will reuse my own socks multiple times until they get so stiff with dried foot junk I absolutely have to wash them.

9. When push comes to shove, I will Febreeze my clothes.

10. I can still see that old pepperoni slice in the corner of the kitchen. Its from that frozen pizza I ate when I came home drunk one night in September. It will stay there until I move out in July.

Smudged

I love awkward moments on TV. Just last week Dr. Oz performed a live prostate exam on his show. You can watch the clip and cringe, especially when the entire audience laughs right when the doctor sticks that pointer finger with the big ol' class ring into his poop hole. Yikes!

But another ham-fisted moment in the Oprah-branded television world was when the queen herself invited Superbowl MVP Drew Brees onto her show. She clearly must not be his biggest fan because she tries to wipe off... his birthmark. Watch, its super awkward.

Pajama Jeans and the Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit: 7 things you can take away

Pajama Jeans (double click to expand)



1. Normal Jeans = Wearable Sandpaper
2. Busy people usually don't look sharp
3. Cotton and spandex were never put together, until now.
4. Brass ribbets will always make your clothes look European and expensive
5. Jeans have been known to 'bind and tug' the shit out of you
6. Normal sweatpants cant be trusted
7. Grey t-shirts seal any deal, especially after they have been exposed to liquid nitrogen

Hoodie-Footie Snuggle Suit


1. House temperatures have been dropping at an alarming rate.
2. Women spend all of their free time writhing, jumping, and giggling on a bed
3. Footed PJ's for women are all the rage
4. Getting around is a hassle
5. Gloves inspired by the bird lady from Home Alone 2 are in style right now
6. Marshmallow is a type of Fleece
7. Women read

Gravity is a bitch