22 things about me

Yes, I am 22 years old! In this moment of self-reflection I have created a 22-item list of quirks and Robisms.

1. When I rent from Redbox, I will always put a note in with the DVD regarding my opinion of the movie. "Miss March: This one SUCKED"

2. I judge a company by its website.

“Hey Rob, do you want to go wine tasting?”

“Not with a company that hasn’t gotten over Helvetica and still has the iStockPhoto watermark on their wine pictures..”

3. I used to get paid for donating my plasma. I would then buy beer with the money and get drunk twice as fast because I had no plasma.

4. In seventh grade I was completely brainwashed by Christianity. I used to tape notes on our water cooler that said “have you talked to God today?” I sometimes think about how messed up I would be if I actually followed that path.

5. I talk in my sleep all the time. Freshman year I couldn’t stand my roommate and one night I said “I want a new roommate!” in my sleep. He heard it.

6. When I decide to go out drinking for the night its either completely blackout or completely sober. Ive killed all those in-between brain cells.

7. I started to collect the state quarters when they first came out then stopped after a year. My Nana, however, had been collecting them for 10 years and finally gave me the entire collection last Christmas. We joke about me using them for laundry. Its no joke, it will probably happen. Sorry, Nana.

8. Ive thought about going by a different name a million times. Rob is one of the worst names to have because its 1) too common to remember and 2) sounds like every other name. Rod? Ron? Bob?

9. I avoid saying the word gyro at all times. It doesn’t happen very often, but every now and again the situation will arise where I will have to say it, and I always feel like an idiot.

10. I think I could live anywhere and adapt, except for eastern Asia. I would just wander around aimlessly.

11. Ive always had a huge appetite. My mom used to have to hide food from me.

“Rob where are the go-gurts?”

“… ... ...”

“I just bought those today! You ate 16 go-gurts in an HOUR?”

12. I’m still not used to working in a professional setting. Sometimes I want to yell “TITS!” really loud, but I cant.

13. Theres something really satisfying in seeing ton of earwax on my q-tip. When it comes out clean I feel disappointed in myself.

14. I like to watch Top Chef and pretend like I know what a raspberry reduction is.

15. Sometimes I really don’t have to pee but know I should so I wont have to later. If someone in the bathroom can hear me, I will reduce my stream so that it takes longer and doesn’t sound like I have a small bladder. If I dont, somehow I believe the other people in the bathroom will think “what, that’s it?”

16. The idea of a prostate massage scares me, its on your insides for a reason. I don’t care how good it feels. Like, don’t touch that.

17. Not a moment passes where I have completely normal body functions. My feet will smell, then when that goes away I will sweat excessively. When my sweating period is over my lips will suddenly get chapped. Can I ever get a break?

18. I laugh about people who take the zodiac seriously, but then one morning after a night of drinking I woke up to a horoscope site left on my browser. Why, Rob, why!?!

19. I once heard that if you swallow a dirty penny it will come out completely shiny. Ive always wanted to try it, but theres way too many cons.

20. I think if my Mom had let me watch the Simpsons when I was younger, I would have a better understanding of history, literature, and social references.

21. I somehow feel uncomfortable around pregnant women. I always catch myself looking away as if its wrong or somehow “dirty” to look at their stomachs.

22. If I could be re-incarnated as anything, I would choose technology. All of technology.