How to get into a secret society at JMU, In8 ways.

My freshman year I heard about a secret society at JMU called In8 (or, innate). The name comes from the year JMU was founded, in 1908. The group does nice things for people who put time into JMU. They post letters on doors, put notes on Wilson steps, etc. Freshman year I was enthralled with this idea, and by the end of sophomore year I had enough. I knew of people who were probably in it, and I would never want to be one of those people. Call me bitter, but I ... yeah just call me bitter.

I love JMU, it was my first true love (since I hate people), but I have come to understand what types of people get into In8. For those who are still freshmen or sophomores, and want to be in this society, just read these 8 simple ways.

1. Don't criticize anything
This is the first and most important tip. Don't give criticism. Now some of you may be observant and think that constructive comments can only lead to improving something, but if you want to live your dream of being in In8, you are going to have to keep your mouth shut. You may really disagree with how your professor is treating you, or when a GCOM group member writes notes with a hi-lighter instead of a pen, or when Mary Beth wears clothes that don't fit her body. But commenting on these things may make you look insensitive, or worse, negative. Never challenge a process, or person, or event because, lets be honest, it looks so much better when you are smiling.

2. Only tell time by the sun
When you hear someone talk about In8 (isn't it cute how I keep making it purple!) you will absolutely hear their most notorious gift, the sun dial. Because we all really need a sundial in our lives. Some may just think its because the society is being nice. Wrong. Obviously its a clue on how their live their lives, and its clearly without watches or clocks. So never wear a watch and check the time on your phone in private, because those who aren't committed to the ways of the sun aren't committed to JMU. I would suggest publicly sticking a twig in the middle of the quad and make a scene by yelling the time out loud.

3. Quote Dr. Warner loudly
Dr. Warner is the Vice President of Student Affairs and also teaches a class on leadership. He also went to JMU for undergrad and graduate school, met his wife here, and raised his kids here (who were apparently dyed purple and gold in a fetal food dye "accident"). Dr. Warner is JMU lover's crack, and his speeches alone can make a Duke fangirl orgasm on the spot. So write down some of those words and pawn them off as your creed, it will pay off in the end.

4. When you spot possible members, use the safe 8 sayings
If you spot a possible member of In8 nearby, don't panic. There are 8 quotes that sound great when overheard. They are as follows:
- "I just love helping others with nothing in return!"
- (Grab a nearby stranger) "I am SO glad I am the reason why you came to JMU!"
- "No, you're wonderful!"
- "I don't believe in anger or the color gray."
- "When I grow up I want to be JMU!"
- "...helping starving children..."
- "I just wish I could give back more, but how?"
- "Purple gold purple gold duke dog gold purple" (this only works from a distance)

5. Be an OPA and go on an ASB trip... simultaneously
Everyone knows that working for Orientation is a shoe-in for In8 candidacy. It also helps to have attended an Alternative Spring Break trip to somewhere really fragile that needs your help. But these things have become quite popular, and its becoming more difficult to stick out in the crowd. This is where you need to get creative, by being an Orientation worker on an Alternative Spring Break Trip. You can fly to South America or drive somewhere really rural. Instead of helping out at a soup kitchen you can teach impoverished children how to register for college courses on e-campus. It may sound retarded, and it is, but think of your image. You are bound to make an In8 member notice your commitment to both the school and others, even though those kids will probably never be able to attend college.

6. List everything you do in both your email signature and Facebook profile
Duh. The best way to let everyone know what you've done is to let everyone know what you've done. Remember that every single thing you have ever participated in at JMU counts, and be relentless in reminding everyone in every message you send. If you are really good at it, your signature should look like this:

Jamie Jameson (your name)
James Madison University 2011 (JMU in long form)
School of Psychology (Your major)
School of Theatre and Dance (your minor)
School of Anthropology (your minor that you dropped last year)
Hanson Hall Coordinator (that thing you ran for freshman year)
UPB (you went to a concert)
Student Duke Club (you paid $25 and got the shirt)
SGA Hall Representative (that was your roommate, but she dropped last year so you have inherited her title)
Honor Student (in high school)
First yeaR Orientation Guide '08 (last year)
First yeaR Orientation Guide '09 (this year)
ASB Dominican Republic (last year)
ASB Redwoods (didnt get a slot)
Relay for Life (had nothing else to do that night)
Loves Kids (you hate kids)
Pick me for In8 (keep that one real small, its all subliminal)

7. Don't mention a career
Those who join secret societies are notoriously ambiguous on their career goals. When asked what they are doing after college they either pretend you asked them about college or they will say "Changing the world." They usually major in things like earnest and respect, and they always keep JMU grad school as plan B, right after plan A - working for JMU. In8 loves these people, because they need to know that you wont be committed to yourself or anything serious, like a future. So even if you plan on one, don't.

8. Don't write a blog post like this one
Probably the biggest way to not get into In8 is to write, dictate, or mention anything similar to what I just wrote. They probably wouldn't like it. But lucky for me, In8 members can only read purple text, so all they can see is themselves and a self-indulgent email signature. How fitting.