In a previous post I published an email that my grandma sent me about my blog. I get these emails all the time and they absolutely kill me. Her capital letters and ellipsis usage have provided me with a distinct Nana-email-voice in my head that sounds nothing like her, but is still awesome. Its sounds like a mix between James Brown and Ellen Burstyn's character from Requiem for a Dream. The emails also have titles like "ITS ME" "GUESS WHO" or "IM BACK." If I didn't know it was her I would probably lock my doors and call the police for fear of my life.
The verdict is in and I have collected five of the best Nana Blog related email quotes and have added their translations.
In relation to my google ads:
Quote: "WHAT DO WE HAVE TO CLICK ON TH MAKE YU MONEY ON YOUR BLOG???????????????????????????????????????????????"
Translation: Where are the ads? Also, my question mark key is stuck, please help.
In response to A perfect survey:
Quote: "HOW DO I GETON THIS FACE BOOK? WHAT IS IT? I READ YOUR BLOG AND OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU LEFT HERE A CUTE ITALIAN WONDERFUL BOY AND TOOK A LITTLE TRIP AWAY FROM HOME AND TURNED INTO A DIFFERENT PERSON. I DONT KNOW HOW TO SPELL IDIOT ( I THINK IT IS RIGHT) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Translation: All my friends are dead and I need to make new ones, how can I join Facebook? That survey was very informative, but I can not believe you ate a baby. They are not for eating! You never used to behave like this at home. You are a douche bag, but I dont know how to spell it, so I will call you an idiot.
In response to Ponytail:
Quote: " WHAT IS THIS ABOUT POT??? WELL IF I WERE YOUNG AGAIN I GUESS MAYBE I WOULD TRY IT. DONT TELL PAM I SAID THAT.. AS FOR THE PORN GO ROB..........."
Translation: Bring me back marajuana brownies for my bingo ladies. Also, Jenna Jameson is my homegirl.
Pertaining to my love for Obama:
Quote: "I HOPE YOU READ THE THING THAT POP SENT TO YOU. I WANT YOU AND ALL YOUR LIBERAL DEMOCRATS TO READ IT.... YOUR WORLD WILL CHANGE AND NOT FOR ANY GOOD......... YOUR EX NANA"
Translation: Did you get the forwarded chain email about Obama? Its the one with the dancing cartoon monkeys with Obama faces. Tell your friends. I have filed a junction with the county- we are no longer related. However, I will still be your friend.
In response to Paula Deen is disgusting:
Quote: "ROBERT I AM PAULA DEENS NUMBER #1 FAN. I CANT BELEIVE THAT YOU KNOCKED HER SO MUCH........... LOOK WHO IS TALKING ABOUT FOOD................. REMEMBER I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU AND HAVE BEEN IN YOUR COMPANY DURING MEALS. I AM GOING TO HIT YOU WHEN YOU COME HOME ON CHRISTMAS"
Translation: You are a fatty. You will be murdered come Christmas.
Friday, December 5, 2008
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Thank you,
Bill Austin
i literally just sat here loling for 5 minutes. did u just make up that whole thing?
p.s. a certain someone is very upset with u
Hahahahaha! Love it! Thanks so much for the laugh. :)
Peace,
JB
"as for the porn go rob."
"your ex nana"
"i'm going to hit you when you come home for christmas."
killed me. is she intentionally this hilarious?
Several things: your grandmother appears to have the same problems typing emails as my mother. Who frequently seems to have a broken keyboard. Also the FB, idiot, douche bag cracked me up! And the pot, my 94 year old grandmother had a bag of it saved in her basement. She told my dad about it shortly before she died, saying she always wanted to try it. Had been saving it for like 15 years or something. LOL! And yah, the ex-nana, God this shit is funny! : )
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